Just saw a retweet of something I once ignored but I will say something about it.
According to Pastor Olugbenga and some twitter pastors, missionary sex is the only holy sexual act before God. I am about to dive into an uncomfortable terrain and grey lines.
Alright. Let’s talk about it.
1. As a couple, you get to decide what you allow in your bedroom or not.
The church or your pastor has no jurisdiction there. Please read this again. (If it really bothers you that you may be engaging in ‘sinful styles’, why don’t you take it up with God and hear him for yourself by yourself)
I have attended a seminar where someone asked if oral sex was good for Christians to engage in and to be sincere, the pastor struggled with answering it.
He finally gave up and said it will be treated subsequently. I don’t know if it ever was treated afterwards but one of the things he said was that the mouth is holy.
And it made me wonder if the vagina or penis is unholy. (Forgive me but I am not going to call penis, key and vagina, keyhole or door)
It is bad enough that we are trying to dictate who others get married to, we now want to have a say in their sexual lives. I don’t get this.
A sex that you won’t even be a part of, you’re telling them how to go about it. Goodness me!!!
The guilt and shame we attach to certain sexual acts between two ‘CONSENTING’ adults will be our undoing. It already is.
What part of the bible even talks about missionary sex or any style at all? I mean, where do we get these rules from?
I recall a conversation where the man said his wife despised oral sex because their pastor’s wife taught them against it in the women’s fellowship. This one happened here in my city.
I am not married, clearly, and the way it is going you people don’t want me to marry but there are things I can comfortably voice out from my position.
How can you let a total outsider or stranger be a deciding factor in your expression of intimacy with your spouse?
I still recall one time where asking a groom to hug the bride was war in my church not to even mention “you may now kiss your bride”. That was not holy.
We have shrouded natural actions with so much spiritual clout that people are self destructing from these denials.
I think we should seek knowledge and make researches about many of these things we wrap with religion.
2. This brings me to another dicey topic. Sexual compatibility. You need to have an in-depth conversation on sex with the person you want to spend your life with.
You are not going to hell for this so relax. Unmask all of that cultural or religious doctrines and get to know or understand who you’ll be hugging every night. Does he even like to be hugged at all?
You need to assess your sexual compatibility or incompatibility or you’re heading to the rocks.
You can’t be with a person who thinks kissing is from the devil and think you’ll be happy. [Remember there was a time we once thought television was the devils box. Just a reminder]
Sex is a very vital aspect of our lives and there is nothing coy or pretentious about this.
Lay it out as it is. (I know someone will come and say I’m encouraging sex before marriage.
That’s your issue not mine). If both of you agree on abstinence, (and abstinence is beautiful) still go ahead and talk about these things for the sake of the future.
It will save you a whole lot. What is his attitude to oral sex etc? What is her attitude to public display of affection? What does he think about this and that? Are you both crossing any sexual lines in what you’re expecting? Etc… talk about them.
“Oh. I want to be seen as a good girl and so I don’t want to let him know I really like or enjoy sex so I’ll just pretend”. And that’s how sister Affiong lived without having an orgasm after 30 years of marriage.
You shouldn’t be afraid to let the other person know your stand and preference on these things. Sex is very important. And that is your choice to make.
Do you both want to hang from the fan but your pastor said no? Make these decisions for yourself and by yourself. Don’t be ashamed to be honest about your desires or cravings. Talk about it plainly. Please.
At all times, let the foundation for your sexual expression be that of respect, consent-conscious and utmost consideration for the other. Let your decisions be mutually reached.
Sex knows no tribe or religion. Sex is not a Christian or Buddhist or Muslim. Sex is us. We are sex. We came through it. Remove the shame/guilt and be honest about these issues.