Home EME'S RANTS Eme’s Rants (Episode 02): Wanna be a parent? Be a parent!

Eme’s Rants (Episode 02): Wanna be a parent? Be a parent!

eme's rants

Like depression, suicidal tendencies and other psychological issues Nigerians tend to make wisecracks about, blaming them on a Hollywood-influenced imagination, mummy/daddy issues are very real.

(Physically and emotionally) unavailable parents have been known to produce daughters who – “fall in love” with the first man who smiles at her, messes up her relationships because her fear of abandonment pushes her into clingy, obsessive behaviour or simply hates men (for no obvious reason).

And the son, who could never understand why his father never spared him more than a cursory glance, grows up with the belief that men are meant to be rigid and emotionless.

A timid, insecure person who constantly, and often unconsciously, seeks validation from others is most likely the result of a controlling, perfectionist parent.

Most times, we don’t understand individuals who stubbornly cling to abusive partners or are always drawn to a peculiar brand of nasty. Dig deeper, if you care and you’d just might find history that can be traced back to their childhood.

Psychological issues don’t just pop out of nowhere. Neither do they necessarily make one damaged goods – especially when said one’s willing to accept that all’s not well and do something about it. If not, it will be an endless “like mother, like daughter” cycle.

Hopefully, this is a generation of people who know better than to think that the pressures of societal demands and financial stability are all two individuals need to “come together and turn their love into a baby”.

Perhaps, you’ve chosen to pretend those issues are nonexistent – because you’re afraid of what people will say when they hear you’ve been “talking to someone”. So you tell yourself that time will straighten everything out. And move on to the next boyfriend.

But, however far you allow your delusions take you, don’t let them push you into reproducing. That is a totally different plane.

Then you’ll be responsible for a more demanding, more complex human. You’ll have to love, care and make commitments. Contrary to popular opinion, the birthing process doesn’t magically hard wire a female into loving her offspring.

Please, don’t pass whatever it is you’re holding on to – to innocent children who’ll be burdened with issues they didn’t ask for and one day, when they realize the role you’ve played, curse you.

Mfon Emerald Michael is a graduate of Linguistics who's yet to figure out what to do with that degree. She loves to surf, skydive and take fancy vacations - all in her dreams, of course. In reality, when she's not trying to start virtual wildfires, she scribbles down her thoughts on love, life and the coming Alien Invasion.