Mornings like this, you stay up tired but wide awake in your little corner of the world.
You think of things you wish could fall into place. You think of things you wish you can bring yourself to believe are working out together. For you. For good.
You close your eyes and try to see the things you want to be. But even your imagination is tired of facades and charades.
Unbidden, you think of a miracle of Jesus in the gospels.
The healing of the blind man. You remember clearly Jesus taking him by the hand and leading him away from the crowd.
Maybe because even Jesus got tired of people who only wanted to see signs and wonders and then go home and talk about it.
Maybe he just wanted to make it more like an act of kindness rather than a spectacle for people to marvel at, but that is not what I want to talk about.
The first time Jesus prayed for the blind man and asked him if he could then see, he said, I see men as trees walking.
Jesus, the Almighty Himself, prayed for someone and for some reason the man wasn’t totally healed. He still couldn’t see clearly. All he saw were blurred shapes.
Men as trees walking.
I find a life-jacket in that portion of scripture and i reach for it.
The bible says, don’t throw away your confidence which has great promise of reward.
The fact that the verse is there tells me Lord knows that on some days, I am so disappointed and too angry that I turn to Him and give Him either the bad eye or the finger or both.
It is normal. To get mad at God is perfectly okay.
God says, Hey man, don’t give up on me just yet. Don’t throw away your faith.
I don’t always understand it or live by it. I mean, your whole world is coming to pieces, your head is exploding with 99 problems. Where is God? Where are the miracles? Where are the angels bringing me all those things I have been praying for too damn long?
Times like that, you don’t wanna hear, God knows how much more you can bear. You don’t wanna hear, He won’t give you more than you can carry. You don’t even wanna hear, Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
All you want is to see one million naira on your doorstep to pay ndi creditors. All you want is the fucking pain to go the hell away! All you want is for some peace be still to just descend into your life.
All you want, like the blind man, is to see. And to see clearly.
Not men as trees walking.
Well, what did I learn from that? From Jesus praying for a blind guy and him seeing blurs. And then Jesus went, okay, lemme lay hands on you again, we didn’t quite get it right the first time.
And the man saw clearly after the second time.
It is not always a question of having faith or not, like most churches preach today. I think most pastors use the faith angle as a bailout in case their ministration flops. Just point the finger at the person and tell him his lack of faith is hindering his miracle. Even though Jesus said with faith so tiny as a grain, we can still move mountains. For someone to stand before another person and ask to be prayed for, he has to have at least a tiny grain of faith in him. That’s why i find these ‘you don’t have enough faith’ positionings annoying.
Sometimes it is not even your fault. And if you want to get mad at God over it, it is fine to.
But hey, DON’T THROW AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE.
Imagine if the blind man had said, This is bullshit man. I have been hearing he performs mighty miracles and can even raise the dead, but if this is what he can do then to hell with him, I am out. I want my money back.
Hey, don’t throw away your confidence. Yet.
Sometimes, no, most times, we look around, we see. But what we see are men as trees walking. We see things that have not yet fallen into place. We see bills not fully paid. We see blurs.
But hey, hold on. Please.
Miracles don’t always descend with a boom! Miracles often start as seeds. Blurs. Men as trees walking. Let it grow. Your faith will grow with it. I know the light is so tiny right now that in the face of the darkness that surrounds you, it is practically useless, but LET IT SHINE.
This is for me as much as it is for you. Don’t walk away from that little white light just because the darkness is overbearing. Let it shine. Pray on. Praise on. Hold on.