Home EME'S RANTS Eme’s Rants (Episode 5): Make Your Own Dating Rules.

Eme’s Rants (Episode 5): Make Your Own Dating Rules.

Eme's Rants

One thing I learned before venturing into the world of relationships was to NOT subscribe to the Naija book of What Dating Should Be.

Instead, I used that currency to buy some sense for myself.

Don’t be the first to say “I love you”. The woman shouldn’t love more. Don’t be so free with him. Fart in his presence.

It shows you’re free with him. Check his messages whenever you can. Don’t cook for him. Are you his wife? Don’t let him cook for you. It paints you in a bad light.

How dare you let him buy you sanitary pads? Men shouldn’t do such. Don’t let him know your weak points. He’ll use them against you.

You shouldn’t date a young school leaver. What’s he got to offer? Don’t keep your eggs in one basket, if you know what I mean.

You’re not having sex yet? Ahhh. A man? He’s getting it elsewhere. Don’t. Do. Don’t. Do. Oh, and don’t forget, all men are from China. Don’t expect anything different.

Like I said, I happily ditched useless conventions.
I was in love and told him so. I was young, inexperienced, trying to keep up with my mood swings and yet, the fellow stood no chance.

He was my friend and probably knew more shitty details about me than anyone else under the sun, and yet, I had an unforgettable experience.

Let’s not forget my brief stint as a Relationship Expert. ‘Cause that’s what happens when you seem to be getting it right and others think you have all the answers, never mind your “young and inexperienced” status.

This is the part where some will ask, probably with a smug smile; “so if it was such a blast, why are you speaking in past tense?”

Brethren, that a beautiful movie ended and you’re weeping while the credits roll doesn’t take a shade away from its beauty.

Instead, you’re left with memories to remind yourself whenever it feels like there are no bestsellers anymore and you want to settle for less.

Every relationship (and I’m not talking about sexual partnerships now) is a new adventure. A chance to meet someone, get to know them and what makes them tick.

Give them a chance to break through your defences and love you till your eyes roll back. Whether or not you get “happily ever after”, every second should be worth your while.

But when you start something new with the mentality of an “experienced cynic” who already knows what to do and what to expect, dearie, try to conceal your surprise when your expectations come true.